In Other News...

Michael "make your own truth" Moore has openly stated that he believes Hurricane Gustav was sent to stop the Republican National Convention because God wants Democrats to win. He wasn't joking about this. See, this is the reason I detest Michael Moore...well, there are actually a lot of reasons, but this is another one. Now, we all know that Mother Nature is liberal in her views, but this chubby bastard is trying to give credit to God. I sometimes wonder if Michael Moore gets this crap fed to him like a suppository from some whacked-out leftist or if maybe he receives his thoughts from Xenu. Either way, I can only hope that obesity's ugly wrath will constrict around his aorta and heart, preventing him form filling the air with more of this mindless waste of breath. Dumbass.

Keith Olbermann threatened to quit MSNBC if the network did not give him a safer location from which he could run his program in Denver during the DNC. He believed he was in danger of being shot. Keith Olbermann was one of the elites in sportscasting, but then he thought he was an intelligent thinker outside of sports. Wrong. Olbermann is an extreme assbag who records his own show and then plays the recording of himself on the TV while having sex, somewhat reminiscent of Patrick Bateman looking into the mirror in American Psycho.

Some tool in Muncie, Indiana was arrested this week and brought up on charges of animal cruelty, possession of weed, and a few other choice crimes. You see, his girlfriend told him they were breaking up, so he decided to take her six month old kitten and punt it into a ceiling fan. Kitty had to be euthanized. I don't know if I want to take a cheese grater to his testicles or give him a swirlie in a toilet filled with sulfuric acid, but I believe he should suffer unmercifully. Prison rape isn't good enough for him, unless it involves barbed wire, a Coke bottle, and the Latin Kings...that's right, all the Kings.

An Ohio teen was shot after egging cars. Link to story here. If I find someone in my backyard vandalizing my property, I'd shoot his ass too. Maybe we should have scrambled those eggs and served them on toast instead.

News reports have come out suggesting that Amy Winehouse may have brain damage due to uncontrollable drug and alcohol abuse. Ummmmm....no shit. The hair of a corpse has more life in it than Amy Winehouse's beehive. If you can crush anything into a powder, chances are Amy has snorted it. Her skin looks like the turf at a football stadium and I think it's safe to say she may also have an eating disorder as you could take 2 sticks and play the theme to the Odd Couple on her ribcage.