So, the Golden Globes Are Coming....(sigh)

I really don't have a good reason to write about the Golden Globes this year, but I'm going to because I can and you will listen. My opinion of the not-quite-ready-for-primetime awards show is this....self-serving, useless opportunity for celebs to get awards for things that I did in Debate class in the early 90's. Let's go over some of the reasons why this awards show is annoying.

First, nobody has seen these films. And by nobody, I mean the Hollywood Foreign Press. Do you know who Paoula Abou-Jaoude is? Me either...I had to go their website and pick her name out of 100 other names of people who have absolutely nothing to do with how good or bad an actor/actress does in a role. My undying hatred for this awards show can also be seen when celebs and studios regularly send gifts to members of the Foreign Press so they will look highly on their role or film. I'm sorry, but doesn't that sound a lot like giving the cute girl from 3rd grade your lunch money so she'll "go with you?" And we wonder why the press is biased.

Second, what gives these foreigners the right to judge anything made in America? I am not saying that they don't have a right to write reviews for their papers or whatever the hell their press is, but I don't believe their opinion means more than anyone else's and I do not believe their opinion should warrant a statue. Sure, if Suri Akamito makes a film in Chungpao, then yes, the journalists from Chungpao and surrounding villages should be able to judge her film and give her a Golden Goat for her work, but honestly have you seen many foreign films? I have seen some and clips of more than I can stomach, and I find most of them looking like they were shot with the same camera my grandparents used to film a Christmas party....from 1964. A fadeaway shot of a child looking at a balloon with a naked clown in the background making blowup animals and popping them with a cigarette as he draws clown tears on his face is not art....it's dumb. By the way, using a term like "noir" doesn't make you look smart, it makes you look snobby.

Third, let's check out the award nominations...
1. Seymour-Hoffman (sometimes he spells the hyphen) gets a nomination. Yay. I remember when you were the fat guy from Twister. Put that in your Capote and smoke it.
2. Tom Cruise nominated for Supporting Actor for a 2 minute scene in Tropic Thunder. You have got to be kidding. Getting a nomination doesn't change the fact that most people think you are a nutball freak douche who has imprisoned his wife and child to keep them safe from the Xenu-haters.
3. All of the nominees for Best Picture Drama have either been in release for 1 week or have not been released to view by the general public. Sure, the general public's opinion would be that Dark Knight was Best Picture (some critics agree, although I hate critics), but can't that be at least some factor in the equation? You know, In Bruges was seen by like 17 people, and all of them liked it. Does that make it a great film worthy of an award, or just an okay film that 17 people out of a few hundred million liked?
4. Javier Bardem is the new Judi Dench. He should see a nomination every year for at least 5 years. He could make a film where the only thing you saw was a water bottle on the side of the road and at the end of the film you see him step on the water bottle, and then walk away with that chili bowl haircut, and people would call for the Globes to be renamed the Javiers.
5. Heath Ledger got a nomination. While I truly believe he deserved it, I still have my doubts as to the sincerity of their decision and whether they would have made the same choice if he was alive.
6. If Sally Field wins, you will hear something about how we all like her, we all really like her. It's gettin' old Sally.
7. If Tina Fey wins, that horrible 30 Rock will come back for another season. Please don't allow this...my TV still has flashbacks from when I left it on accidentally when I was in the shower. The TV hasn't forgiven me yet.

If you are interested in seeing the nominations, the link is listed below. I think you will look over them and agree with me. Unless your favorite movie grossed less than a million, was a teeth-grinding musical, or hasn't even been released for you to see, you will probably find the Globes very boring. Last year's show was better.
Golden Globes