So, the Indiana State Fair is in town for a newly-created 2+ week run. Well, the wife and I decided to brave the humidity and go today, and thankfully the Peruvian flute band was playing, keeping the guinea pigs at bay for the duration of the fair.
First, Godfather's Critic Corner of Fair Food. All these things were sampled.
1. Footlong Corn Dog- a Fair staple. Tasty pig covered in batter and fried. Simple, horrible for you and excellent.
2. Corn on the Cob- Also a staple (this is Indiana.) This year's selection was not as good as past years (the wife gets it every year), so if you plan on buying it, try the stand by the Horticulture building...I believe it may be better than what we had.
3. Deep-fried Pizza- It wasn't bad, but I would not call it the best of the fair foods as it has been voted. It's an elephant ear sans sugar that has been fried. They then add a crushed tomatoes and parmesan cheese. That's it. I was expecting a calzone or Hot Pockety thing.
4. Angus Burger- greasy, yummy, cheese, meat, bun. Quite good.
5. Pizza Cone- My vote for the best item at the fair. $4.00 gets you a cone shaped crust filled with cheese, light sauce and pepperoni or sausage. Pretty damn good, and definitely worth the 7 minute wait. You'll find it by the entrance to the Midway, an area I always skip as I am not 13 and also do not feel like having my wife eye-humped by the Tilt-A-Whirl operator.
6. Hot Wisconsin Cheese Nuggets- Very nice. Hot, warm and nice to look at, and that was just the guy serving us! Very tasty and the wife found the Jalapeno Ranch sauce to be a nice touch.
7. Deep-fried Cookie Dough- Shit yeah. Cookie dough balls breaded and fried. Shit yeah. Sugary goodness coated in batter and stuck in a fryer. Shit yeah.
8. The Dairy Barn Chocolate Shake- A shake so thick it stayed cold until we got home. I love you Dairy Barn. Your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
And for the other day's events:
Saw the World's Largest Boar. Well, what we actually saw was a large slightly moving lump with testicles the size of a Thanksgiving turkey. While I'm all for raising a pig of that size, what the hell do you do with it after the Fair circuit? I guess you could use his scrotum as a showering cap or perhaps a bowling ball shiner.
Went to the Art Building. It's nice because it's air-conditioned. I apparently do not know what art is because we went to the photography section and I must admit I disagreed with every selection for the top prizes. A picture of a boy with a guitar sitting behind him in an abandoned hallway is poignant, impressive and it speaks to the globalization of the media and the glamorization of the middle-class in 35mm glasses. I have no idea what that means, if anything, but it wasn't that great of a shot. I took a picture of my poop once and waited to snap the shot until the water started to drain out. It was my vision of American materialism and its flagrant waste of resources. Or it was me taking a picture of poop. Either way, no ribbon for me.
Lastly, a visit to the Expo Hall. Spas, rubber brooms, gutter protectors, window panes, food demonstrations, Little Giants, and sheet salesmen. Then, as we rounded the 4th row of wood carvings and car scratch remover, there it was. In all of its glory. Stacks of them. $20 for a deal, but one get one free. So, we purchased what should save us thousands of dollars in our lifetime. Yes, that's right, we are now the proud owners of ShamWows. We look forward to saying "wow" everytime we use them.
Oh, there were sheep, cows, and horses too. I guess they're part of the fair too, or so some 4-H kid said.
The Indiana State Fair, or as I like to call it, The Indiana White Expo.
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