Another Season of Oscar Misses

Ahhh yes, the immortal glow of Oscar standing like a Hollywood icon on stage. Or, another round of fun awards like the Globes. Awards, no dresses, and Joan Rivers going back to QVC to hock more jewelry that she has stolen from award shows.
Then there's the awards. I checked the sites for the Oscar nominations and was, once again, amazed that, for the most part, the major award nominees were films that 8 people have seen. I am not saying that this should be like an election where the number of award nominations matches how many people went to see your film. What I am saying is that there is a severe problem in Hollywood...they have lost all touch with the real world and need to be firmly replaced with people that actually have had their heads and asses separate for awhile. I will list the Best Picture nominees (with some exciting opinions) and then list what I believe should have been the Best Picture nominees. And this is hard dammit, I mean, Judi Dench wasn't in anything this year...how can you have the Oscars without her?


BEST PICTURE:

1. Atonement- "Ello, gov'nah. You troied to give moi sistah a toss, you did. Oh wait, moi bad, I shall atone." British people, funny accents, and a "gripping story." Gripping story is another way of saying, "They're British, it's dull and boring. But so is Britain. So nominate me."

2. Juno- "Hi, I'm pregnant. But I am from the other side of the tracks, which means I am a smartass and against the establishment. Down with conformists." Kind of like Madonna's "Papa Don't Preach," but Danny Aiello is actually society. Ahhh, that tune takes me back.


3. Michael Clayton- Crazy guy, company cover-up, and Smug Cloud Clooney. Great, Clooney preaches up a storm about how the Hollywoodies are smart and we are all dumb, and what happens? Nominate him for a sub-par confusing film. Clayton getting nominated is really amusing actually, because when it came out, I personally had customers walking up to me during the entire opening weekend telling me that it sucked. Then again, we are in the Midwest and do not understand things like the ol' West Coast.


4. No Country for Old Men- The Coen Brothers finally get nominated. This is kind of like giving Denzel the Oscar for Training Day, a complete make-up call. The Academy got together and said, "Well, we gave em some for Fargo, but that was years ago. As we snubbed them for The Big Lebowski, The Ladykillers, O Brother Where Art Thou?, Miller's Crossing, Hudsucker Proxy, and Raising Arizona, let's give them another nomination. Ya know, Carmen Electra has been in dozens of films....makes you wonder if she'll get her nomination for Meet the Spartans next year.

5. There Will Be Blood- This is the one I cannot disagree with. Good film, a little slow, but Daniel Day-Lewis makes him a good movie fairly often and this is just another solid notch for him.

Now...here are the nominations that I would have made for Best Picture.

1. 300- Visually amazing and adapted from a Frank Miller graphic novel, 300 was excellent. Not completely historically accurate, but a good use of history and imagery made a great film. Gerard Butler screams better than most. Oscar missed this one by a mile. Guess Gerard should have been replaced with Tom Wilkinson.

2. 3:10 to Yuma- Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, the Old West. Great film, good story, and Russell Crowe did not attack one crewmember during shooting. That alone deserves consideration. Christian Bale is, in my opinion, the gold standard for good actors right now. The Batman series, The Prestige and 3:10 are all great films. In order for this to get considered, they should have had Bale and Crowe in cowboy hats and Australian accents whispering to each other, "I just can't quit you, mate."

3. Elizabeth: The Golden Age- Every Oscar for Best Picture must have 1 foreign film in consideration. This has Cate Blanchett who is kind of like Judi Dench. Personally, I never saw it, but I can say that it has to do with Queen Liz, and that seems to always get the AMPAS hot and bothered.

4. We Own the Night- Joaquin Phoenix, Mark Wahlberg and Robert Duvall. That right there isn't so bad. A good crime drama, a great story and an Oscar snub.

5. Charlie Wilson's War- Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Honestly, do you need to hear anything else? Seriously, it was a well-made film with perfect acting. Now, if someone had made this film but also thrown in their 2 cents about getting rid of Bush in favor of socialism, then you would have an easy Oscar winner.

Some will say that I do not know what I am talking about. Those are the same people that believe Britney Spears is bi-polar. Don't like my picks? Bite me.