Come to Iraq...Beautiful Hiking Trails!!!

I'm watching CNN (believe it or not) and I am watching the family of one of the hikers that was taken roughly 3 weeks ago. For those of you that do not know, 3 extremely intelligent Americans decided to go hiking on a mountain in northern Iraq and, wait for it, they were (drum roll) taken hostage!!! I know right? Who would have thought that hiking in a country where people can't even stand in a town square without an explosion killing their friend would be so quick to take Americans hostage???

So, the family is saying that they have not heard from the 3 hikers for several weeks. The CNN reporter asks a fair question..."Ummm, maybe you can tell the viewers what they were doing in northern Iraq since I think many of the viewers are extremely confused about this." I know I was. Soooo, the family member basically states that the hikers were in Kurdistan, a "beautiful" part of Iraq which hasn't had the problems so often seen on TV with IEDs everywhere and Green Zones. He stated that they were all very experienced hikers and had done research on the area.

Here we go....

YOU ARE HIKING IN IRAQ!!!!!. I DO NOT CARE IF IT IS A "BEAUTIFUL" PART OR IF YOU WERE SPELUNKING IN THE HOLE WHERE THEY FOUND SADDAM. IT'S IRAQ...AND YOU ARE AMERICAN. You can do all of the research you want on the area and its mountains, but do you know who doesn't care? Terrorists. They don't give a damn if you have researched the GDP of Iraq, how many pets the average family has, or the elevations of the mountains. They care that you are Americans, you are somewhere you shouldn't be, and you are not wearing military fatigues with an assault rifle over your shoulder and 1000 of your buddies wearing the exact same thing standing behind them. Let me guess...you had granola bars, water, a GPS, and a map. You know what terrorists don't often go on TV for? Granola commercials. You know what they tend to broadcast? American hostages in unpleasant situations. And next time the family comes on TV, lie to us. Tell us they were on a mission carrying food to indigenous mountain regions with the support of the local tribes. Tell us they were converting to Islam and wanted to sacrifice a sheep or something on a mountain. Dammit, tell me anything except that they did research and were hiking in a pretty part of Iraq.

For those of you that have never heard the song below the picture...I dunno what to say. You suck, I guess.