Recently, I had the glorious opportunity to speak to a customer who was clearly unhappy with the order she had picked up the night before and taken home. I am going to call her HexNaw, and I am doing this because that was the only thing I could understand in the first 2 minutes of her rambling.
I don't mind customers, I really don't. I actually enjoy a great majority of my interactions with them, but those rare diamonds in the rough, those exceptionally well-spoken, those outstanding productive members of society who are only looking for free food or a discount....they are the reason so many people detest the service industry.
I'm going to relay the conversation to you and then I'll begin my destruction of her. HexNaw, very politely and clearly, explains to me that she had picked up her food the previous evening and, upon returning home, discovered that "it jus' wun' right." When asked to elaborate, HexNaw informed me that she likes her food to be extra saucy and well done, "like burnt." She then said that she would be needing a refund for her food and would like it to be re-made today. When asked if she had ordered her food with extra sauce and well done, she naturally said "naw, it jus' s'pose to be like dat." I politely told her that I couldn't do a refund since the food was made the day before, but if she would like to bring it back in, I'd be glad to remake whatever she brought. She brings me what she had, about 75% of her order. I remade what was there and upon giving her the bag, I let her know that our food is not automatically cooked well done and that extra sauce was available by request. I told her that she was welcome to inform us when she places the order how she would like things cooked, but her specific brand of expectation was not "the way it s'pose to be." HexNaw left, with fresh food, and still looked at me like I was the devil who had pooped in a box and given it to her to take home the night before.
So, here are my issues with this.
First, if you're going to call and bitch about your food, learn to goddamn speak with some sort of clarity. I shouldn't have to rip out my phone and hold it up to the speaker so I can GoogleTranslate everything you say because I don't speak your adorable brand of mindless babble. Second, you tell me your food "jus' wun' right." In what way, shape or form am I to be able to understand what the hell that means? You wanna know why it wasn't right? Probably because you waited until late to eat it and the food had gotten cold, which unless you have lived in a damn cave is pretty much common sense. The longer food sits there, the less "right it gon' be." Third, you are bringing food back to a restaurant THE DAY AFTER YOU BOUGHT IT and you expect a damn refund? Do you try this shit in every store you visit? I got a can of Pringles once from a gas station and the bottom half of the can had primarily broken chips in it, but did I go back and bitch the next day? No, I sucked it up and said, oh well, life goes on. Clearly, life in HexNawLand is filled with nickels, dimes, and horseshit because getting money back for food you purchased the day before is just retarded. Fourth and finally, why is it that so many customers believe that their particular expectation of cooked food is the only one in existence? I want my food well done...for some that's cooked twice as long, 3 times as long, 2 minutes longer, etc. And yet, we, the great seers of customer preference are supposed to automatically know what your golden tastebuds expect when you want it well done? Who the hell do you think you are and do you see a crystal ball in front of me assisting me in determining your blessed expectations? Here's an idea....drop some of your needs, shut up, and eat the food. If you want it well done but don't bother to tell us how long, take your food home and stick it in the microwave, nuke it til it smokes, and enjoy. If you want extra sauce, well, you're gonna have to pony up that sixty cents and pay for it. I know, I know, that sixty cents was going towards rent for the month or was the last piece of the financial pie for you to finally buy a car that will not break down the second it leaves the car lot. Sadly, if you want more, its going to cost more...my advice would be to warm up to this realization quickly and use the $500 you were going to spend on your nails to instead keep you living in your adorable shanty behind the gas station washroom in the scary part of town.
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