Weekend Fare

In my ongoing tribute to movies, here is a look at what Hollywood has to offer this week.

Tropic Thunder- Robert Downey Jr plays a black guy, Ben Stiller plays a slow fellow, and Jack Black plays an obnoxious ass. Honestly, I am happy that Downey Jr has stopped snorting his dinner, but this role is a waste of time. Dumb dumb dumb. Groups are protesting theatres because they use the word "retard" like 17 times. Well, sorry to say it, but Ben Stiller is a retard. As my brother states, he has 2 acting modes: the Zoolander act and the neurotic wimp act. Both have been extremely overused and need to be retired. Protests of films only create hype amongst the general public, and this hype turns into idiots buying tickets for this film. See where I'm going with this? Press = business. Don't protest a film like this. And then there's the bane of my existence, the bottom-feeder of film, the reason IMDB made a Bottom 250 Films category...Mr. Jack Black. Jack Black has no talent. He is a bad splice on the filmreel of moviedom. I could take a glass of water, boil it down to the lime, calcium, and crap found in tap water, send it to a film site as an extra and it would have more talent on-screen than Jack Black. A bum bending down to pick up a nickel exerts more effort than Jack Black does in prepping for a role.

Star Wars: Clone Wars- What's the matter, George? 4 billion isn't enough? Nah, Lucas needed to make a version of Star Wars that looks like Lego made the film. I would rather slide down a building of razor blades into a pool of alcohol than watch this. The preview did that for me. But the real clincher was when Lucas had an unpleasant review of the film removed from the web. That makes you look like an arrogant ass who thinks he's better than the world. Sorry, George, Menace sucked because of that annoying child and Jar Jar. As for Clones, well, let's just say that Obama and McCain would have more chemsitry if they were tap-dancing to the song from Fiddler on the Roof than Hayden and Portman did on the screen. Ain't gonna see it, and may God have mercy on your soul for even thing about seeing it.

Mirrors- Hey, remember when horror films were scary and not just crappy remakes of japanese horror films? Me too, I miss those days. Instead of a good old fashioned original horror film, we get more recycled crap starring Mr. 24. Stay in TV, Sutherland.

Vicky Portabello Marsala (or something like that)- Woody Allen, would you please stop it. Stop doing this. Fans of your films have an encyclopedia of dung to choose from, and do not need to be confused with more dung from the same pasture. "Oh, my head hurts, must be all the blavin in my mushuginah. You tawkin to me is like a chutzpah on my sheffleberg." Hahaha, your humor never gets old.