Book Nerds Unite!

"In a time when gay wizard books/films are on hiatus....we bring you....teen vampires." -Just imagine Don LaFontaine.

So, Twilight did well this weekend, and introverted unpopular teen girls finally had a chance to get out of the house and do something that the cool kids do. Girls who have the social skills of a cadaver came out in droves. Luckily, most were able to bring their Harry Potter scarves and and drool over a trailer for the new "Oim a wizahd, woi won't Rawn ruv moi?" movie. If you haven't heard 80 people in one area all trying to talk over the rest of the people also talking loudly, reaching a pitch that could shatter glass and make dogs howl, then my friend, you just haven't lived. Imagine trying to walk 25 feet and having to pull an Addai every 3 feet to miss a group of Team Edward kids leering at the Team Jacob kids and vice versa. Then the Twilight sweatshirt group, kids in Emo pants and black fingernails who have obviously never heard that "you should not wear the shirt of the band you're going to see" rule, are all sitting in the corner of the lobby plotting how they can find a real vampire to make them children of the night so they can exact their revenge on the cool kids who took over their table in the lunchroom. And the adults? Oh God, they're worse...an intellectual adult conversation about a vampire movie geared for teenagers is about as meaningful and insightful as looking at a pile of dog crap and wondering what kind of breed made the distinctive coil effect.

Regular folks should be okay until July, when ol' Harry rears his ugly head for another round of dealing with your personal demons while dealing with dragons and murders and wondering what old British actor will be the next Humperdink or whatever the old guy's name is. I mean, come on. Isn't Chamber of Secrets really "the closet"? The Sorcerer's Stone...seems a little phallic. Harry's Goblet of Fire???? Pllleease. Prisoner of Azkaban? Sounds like he's trapped somewhere....perhaps A CLOSET! Order of the Phoenix? Well, there's nothing funny about that one, but I bet somewhere in that book, someone grabs Harry's bum. If another book is ever written, I would suggest Harry Potter and the Prop 8 Vote, or Harry Potter and the Move to Massachusetts.

Coming up on the GW Network, Thanksgiving releases and the upcoming strike of the Actor's Guild. $10 million just isn't enough for 3 months of working. Does anyone know how hard it is to act? Not only do you have to memorize words and stuff, but you have to walk ALL THE WAY BACK to your personalized trailer where a personal assistant grants your every command. Then there's getting paid to show up at events, living lavishly, openly sharing your political views and getting out of criminal charges based on your popularity. Must be tough.