Is This Serious?

I have been perplexed by an ad I see on TV regularly. It is for Nationwide Auto Insurance (ad here.) The ad features Michael, a Nationwide representative talking about doing things better for customers. While I can appreciate that Nationwide wants to make their services more customer friendly and comfortable, I find the same questions creeping into my head.

Isn't there anyone else you could have found to do this ad? I realize I am going to hell, and that's totally fine, but I am going to say this. You don't put someone that can't focus on a camera on TV. You don't use someone who reminds you of the "Ding Fries Are Done" YouTube video guy. While I cannot confirm that this person is retarded, he acts like it. My spouse believes that he could qualify as someone seen on a sex offender registry. I truly believe I would have gotten more out of this ad if Michael was replaced by a dog taking a dump...as the dog walked away, the pile took the shape of Nationwide's logo and words appear in at the bottom of the screen saying "Doing Things Better...Nationwide."

Yes I realize he's blind. Yes, I saw the dog. Yes, I know I am mean and inconsiderate of people. I realize this. But please realize something...someone who cannot focus on me (blind or not) should not be trying to sell me on the pros and cons of auto insurance.

While we're talking about my going to hell, I think I may be on the road to cutting all ties with TLC. While midgets can be an invaluable resource of entertainment and cruel jokes, I can't help but notice how tired I am of watching their shows. That insufferable Matt Roloff deserves to be put in a cage match with a wild bear. The new show, The Little Couple, is boring as hell. She's a doctor and he works from home. Don't these people balance plates on sticks anymore? Aren't sideshows still around? Where's PT Barnum when you need him?

Another thing about TLC...I really don't give a damn about Jon, Kate, or their brood of test tubies. All this analysis about whether or not they cheated on each other makes me want to hang myself. Why did he cheat on Kate? Because she's a bitch. Why did she cheat on Jon? Because she's a bitch and her bodyguard is probably ripped. Done, I just summed up this season. I truthfully haven't sat thru one episode of Jon/Kate and thanks to having to hear about them every time I turn on the channel, I never will.

On the subject of TV, I would now like to talk a little bit about other shows that deserve to be axed.
1. Keeping Up with the Kardashians- Who watches this shit? A slut, her dumbass sisters, Prescriptomom, and Bruce Jenner. Who gives a damn if these people own a clothing store or if Kim can't get her big ass into a camera frame while she's screwing some rapper? Not I, my friends.
2. Paranormal State- (first scene)"Shhhh, I feel a presence in this room. Let's get out of here before we get discovered as frauds." (second scene)Wait, is that an apparition in the corner? Don't focus on it...people will know we're full of shit." (third scene)"Behind this door is the ghost of a confederate soldier. Better keep it shut." This show was created by bullshit artists.
3. New York Goes to Work- Sure, I thought I Love New York was amusing at first when it was just her being a psycho bitch and sleeping with everyone in the house while they were having "one on one time." But even I can see that this attention-whore deserves a bullet in the back of the head.
4. Anything on MTV- Real World, Road Rules, The Hills, The Show That's Like the Hills But Not The Hills- hate em all. If these appeal to people 18-24 year olds, perhaps we should repeal the right to vote until you're 25. Did you know BET has their own version of The Hills? I would have called it Watts or The Hood.
5. Maury Povich- They now make shirts with "I Was Not the Father" written on them. Some people on that show have been on there 7 or 8 times trying to find out if the 8th man they brought forward is the father of their child. That means this stupid whore screwed 8+ guys in a 1 month period. People like that do not need to know who the father is. If you want to help, offer to pay to tie their tubes so they cannot placate the world with more of their degenerate spawns. And then create your own channel televising those surgeries as well as bariatric surgeries, sex change operations, and liposuctions.

I feel better. Oh, I also hate anything featuring Rose O'Donnell, Tina Fey, Zach Braff, Rachel Maddow, or Chelsea Handler. (I know, I think she's a comedian, only without the funny parts).