So, Uh, Here's One For You.

So, as I sit at the stoplight at 86th and Michigan waiting for my time to turn, I casually glance over at the strip mall sitting at the NE corner of the intersection.  As expected, considering the neighborhood, there is a large liquor store, check cashing place, a tobacco outlet, and a cash-for-gold store.  While I sat there perusing the storefronts, I noticed a man standing near the street holding a sign flagging people into the cash-for-gold store.  While this is not un-common, what I witnessed was, well, jaw-dropping.

The man looked to be 30 years old, was white with a slightly heavy build, but certainly far from Kirstie Alley.  Dressed in what I affectionately call "ass pants" (low-sagging shorts) and a T-shirt last cleaned in November, he waved his sign to and fro, alerting the passers-by that the cash-for-gold store was open and ready to not give you a fair deal for your gold.

Then it happened.

The man hunched over, and without any sign of what was to come, he began puking up what I can only call "orangy-brown liquid with scattered chunks" right there on the street.  Since this light takes a bit longer than some around the city, I stared at him long enough to watch him expel his magical bile 4 separate times.  Mind you, he was using the sign to hold himself up while purging his stomach demons.  Never one to feel the complete and total humiliation of violating the walkway with his vomit, the man wiped his chunk-covered face with his hand and then continued to wave his sign, going so far as to use his chunk-wiping hand to signal people over in the other lanes to come and stop by. 

The light turned green, as did my stomach, and I pulled away, left with only a last fading glance of Chunky holding his stomach while proudly waving the cash-for-gold sign like he was atop a hill during the Battle of Sterling and was signalling the archers.

So, I guess the moral of this story is that vomiting on the sidewalk in open-view of a major intersection while holding a business sign is a good way to draw attention to your business.  I always thought a newspaper or radio ad would suffice, but these cash-for-gold people have a firm grasp on new-age marketing.  Unfortunately, if any of you need to visit a cash-for-gold business, I now happen to know of one.