Just when you thought I was gone...

Well well well, it's been over a year since I posted.  I have so much to say, and yet have remained mum for this long.  I suppose it's time I get back in the saddle and do what I do best.  Offend.

I have been working, a lot...still in the customer service industry, and making it a point to loathe them with my thoughts and win them over with my caring demeanor.  Let's see if I can come up with a few recent pleasantries.

Have you ever gone into a restaurant and complained?  I don't mean "Hey, sorry to bother you but I ordered this without mayo" complaints.  I mean, "I'm going to treat this manager like a piece of shit because my father didn't love me and I hate my life" complaints.  Sit back and enjoy.

So, this fine gentleman, who seemingly looked educated, asked to talk to a manager.  Enter me.  I walk up to the table.  GW is yours truly and AA is the angry assbag.

GW: "Hey how's it going?  What can I do for you?"
And then the answer comes. 
AA: "Well you can start by telling me why the hell every time I come in here, my order is wrong?  Then, I'd like for you to tell me how you're going to make up for this shit, because I think it's about time somebody starts giving me some answers!"
GW: "I'm very sorry about that sir.  What did we get wrong today?"
AA: "I order the same thing every time....a grilled chicken sandwich with no lettuce, tomato and onion and fries as the side.  No sauce, no cheese, nothing.  Is that difficult?"
GW: "Not at all sir."  Now mind you, the sandwich in front of him is the exact thing he ordered, and a child of 6 could tell him this.  "Now, I see what you received and I just have to ask sir.  What do you think that sandwich is?"
AA: "It sure as hell ain't no grilled chicken sandwich!!!!  What do you think this is, Mr Manager?"
GW: "Well sir, to me that looks like a 5 oz. chicken breast that was put on the grill for roughly 12 minutes and then put onto a bun with a side of fries added.  It's in the menu as the grilled chicken sandwich."
AA:  "But it isn't breaded, god dammit!!!"
GW:  "Yes sir, that is correct.  A grilled chicken is put on the grill.  A breaded chicken sandwich is a pre-breaded breast that is fried for 6 minutes.  You will see in the menu that we have the breaded chicken sandwich available right here next to the grilled chicken sandwich that you ordered."
AA:  "Do you think I'm stupid?"
(My tongue had bitemarks by this point)
GW:  "No sir, but I do believe that next time you want a chicken sandwich that is breaded, it might be more proactive to order that.  It will increase your overall satisfaction and avoid unpleasant moments like this.  Can I be of any other help?"
AA:  "I think you've done enough."

Sufficed to say, he did not leave a tip nor have I seen him back in the restaurant since that day.  One other small note...his wife or ladyfriend with him at the table could not help but to smile and look away as I was explaining this to him.

How about another one?
The scene:  Winter.  Bar.  Late afternoon.  Slow time of day.  TVs from wall-to-wall showing any number of stations: ESPN, ESPN2, NFL Network, NBA Network, MLB Network, Fox Soccer, and so on.  The mark: middle-aged man sitting alone.  Employee says, "Some guy wants to see you at the bar and he looks pissy."  Showtime.

GW:  "Hello sir, I'm (insert name) the manager.  What can I do for you?"
AA:  "I want to talk to the owner."
GW:  "Sir, the owner isn't here.  He operates several stores.  Is there something I can do to help?"
AA:  "I just got out of jail and I need a job.  I figure, he's the kind of guy that would take a chance on someone like me."
GW:  "I see. Well, you can fill out an application and I can see about checking with him the next time I see him."
I go to get one and he fills it out.  It is normal for us to sit with them for a second and speak with them about it.
AA:  "So, what do you think?  Think I could work here?"
GW:  "Well sir, it looks like you have no restaurant experience...well, you actually didn't put down any job history at all.  When did you work last?"
AA:  "2003."
GW:  "I see.  And what did you do as an occupation?"
AA:  "I was the CEO of my own company."
GW:  "And what happened to the business?"
AA:  "Convictions.  Theft....drug possession....fraud."
GW:  "Alrighty then!  I will make sure to get this to him as soon as he stops by."

We filed the application away.